The Anatomy of PEACE. RESOLVING THE HEART OF CONFLICT. The Arbinger Institute

of you now think that Lou was right in every�thing he has said today?"
"No," Gwyn said quickly, but without the edge that had been in her voice before.
"Oh, I don't know that I have been thinking Lou has been entirely wrong," Elizabeth said. "I suppose I've been finding him interesting, let's put it that way."
"I think I'd rather be wrong," Lou joked.
"Yes, well, you haven't been entirely right either," she said.
"That feels much better," Lou cracked.
"So how about you, Lou?" Yusuf asked. "Do you now think that Gwyn has been right, for example, and that you have been wrong?"
"No, sir." The formality surprised everyone, including Lou.
"But when do you think the two of you would be more able to resolve any differences you might have, right now or thirty minutes ago?"
They glanced quickly at each other. "Now, I suppose," Lou answered.
Gwyn nodded in agreement.
"Why is that, do you think?" Yusuf asked. "You still don't agree with the other person's positions, so why do you suppose you'd be more able now than before to find solutions?"
Pettis spoke up. "It's what you and Avi have been talking about: Carol's story humanized Lou, I think. And, I don't know,
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maybe for Lou, hearing the story with us humanized the group a bit. In your words, I think we're seeing others in the room as people more than we might have been before."
"Exactly," Yusuf agreed. "And that seems to make a differ�ence, doesn't it?"
Pettis and the rest of the group nodded their heads.
"So if we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult con�flicts or external wars we find ourselves in," Yusuf said, "we first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. If we can't put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without."
"Then how do you?" Pettis asked.
"In order to understand how to improve our peace," Yusuf answered, "we first must understand how and why we have turned toward war. But it's now past lunchtime."
Everyone in the room looked at their watches almost in uni�son. They were surprised by the time.
"Let's break for lunch and meet back here at 2:00 p.m. Then we'll get into how our hearts have turned from peace to war. Fair enough?"
"Yes," they all responded.
"One quick thing before you go. While you are out, I chal�lenge you to see everyone you encounter as a person�the driver in the car next to you, the person who waits on you at whatever restaurant you go to, your spouse or partner you are with, and so on. Make a point of seeing everyone over the next ninety minutes as a person and see what happens as a result.
"Fair enough?"
The group, now beginning to stand, nodded.
"Oh, and Teri and Carl," Yusuf called. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
THE RIGHT THING AND THE RIGHT WAY � 65
As Lou was leaving the room, he heard Yusuf say to them, "Your daughter, Jenny�" "Yes?"
"She's running."
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PART II From Peace to War
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8 � Reality
"Did you hear that, Carol?" Lou said chasing after her out to the parking lot. "That girl, Jenny�you know, the one who was yelling and carrying on this morning �she took off run�ning."
"Where?"
"Here, out in the streets. She just took off running across town."
Carol stopped. "Oh, how terrible," she said, looking up the street. "Poor girl. She wasn't wearing any shoes. Do you think we should try to find her?"
"I'm sure Yusuf and his team are handling it," he said.
Before now, Carol would have thought this a sarcastic dig, but she thought she heard a hint of respect in Lou's voice.
Lou glanced at his watch. "Listen, Carol, I have to make some calls."
"Now?"
"Yes. The situation at the office is kind of a mess. I have to check in with a couple of people."
"Can't you do that later?"
"They'll probably be gone home by the time we're out this evening. I'm going to have to call now."
"You never worried about calling them at home on Friday nights before," she said, coyly. "Why now?"
Lou knew what Carol was searching for, but he didn't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing he was actually consid�ering what Avi and Yusuf had said. Avoiding a direct answer to
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her question, he said, "Well, I'd rather not call them at home if I can help it. Not with all the turmoil everyone's in. Don't want to add to it, I suppose."
"Okay," Carol said. "I'll bring you back something to eat."
"Thanks," Lou said as he turned to look for a private place to make his calls.
He knew whom he needed to call first: his secretary. But he got her voice mail. Where is she! he thought, before catching himself.
"Please leave me a message," came the pleasant voice.
"Susan, it's Lou. Just checking in for a report. I'll try you later." In that moment, he suddenly flashed back to the blustery way he'd left the office the day before and felt a tinge of regret. "Oh, and one more thing," he found himself saying. "I'm, uh � " he hesitated. "I'm sorry for blowing up at you yesterday on the way out of town. I didn't mean it, really. I think I was just feel�ing the load of all that's going on, and I ended up taking it out on you. So, sorry about that. Anyway, that's all. Carry on."
"Carry on"? Lou repeated as he hung up the phone. You can't do any better than that? "Carry on"? Lou shook his head. Wow, once 'Nam's in your system, you just can't shake it.
Other than feeling a bit of chagrin over his military-issue good-bye, Lou felt good having made the call to Susan.
But the next call was going to be harder. It was to Kate � Kate Stenarude, who had led the mutiny of his executive staff.
Kate had been one of the original twenty employees at Zagrum, where she started as an order fulfillment clerk after graduating from college with a degree in history. It turns out she had been a brilliant hire, as her combination of brains, likability, and professional drive quickly elevated her to the top of the sales division. Despite her young age, until the March Meltdown she had been everyone's pick as Lou's successor�if and when he
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ever decided to retire, that is. This love for her was partly born of a desperate hope as she was the single person who while pos�sessing the business vision and smarts required to run the opera�tion also retained a deeply felt appreciation for the people around her, regardless of rank or position. When she walked in the Zagrum doors each morning as Zagrum's director of sales, she walked and talked and greeted and laughed the same way she did the day she was hired. She walked in not as a big shot but as one of the people. And the people loved her for it.
So when she walked out of the building on that rainy Connecticut March morning, "escorted" on Lou's command by apologetic members of the security staff, it was as though the company's heart and soul walked out with her. Lou knew this, although until now he had been trying to deny the full impact of her leaving. But the truth was her loss hurt the company more than the loss of the other four executives combined. And probably more, even, than if Lou had left himself.
He had to call her. But what am I going to say? he won�dered.
He stood there with the clumsy uncertainty he once felt as a teenager when he was trying to motivate himself to call and ask a girl out.
Ah hell, just call her! he shouted internally, calling himself out of his adolescent timidity.
He dialed the number and waited: one ring, then two, three, four.
With each ring he felt the youthful panic build again within him until he was telling himself that if she didn't pick up by ring six, he would hang up.
The sixth ring hadn't even completed before he terminated the call, a spasm of relief releasing droplets of sweat on his brow. Well, I tried, he said to himself. I'll catch her later.
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But his racing heart told him that he might not get the courage up to do it again for days. If ever.
Now for real work, he thought to himself, as he dialed up John Rencher, the president of the local union, who was threat�ening a strike.
"Hello?" came the voice.
"John." It was more of a summons to attention than a greeting.
"Yes."
"It's Lou Herbert."
Silence.
Just then Lou thought of Yusuf's assignment to see everyone as people.
"Hey, listen, John," he said, in as kind a voice as he could muster, "I was wondering if we could get together when I get back and take another look at your proposal."
"Take another look at it yourself," Rencher shot back. "You've had it for a week."
"I just thought you and I could get further if we talked things over," Lou responded, still as agreeably as he could.
"So you still want more from us."
"Well, this is a negotiation after all."
"No, Lou, this is an ultimatum. We're going to shut you down until you meet our demands. You've railroaded our peo�ple for too long. It's over, Lou."
"Now you listen here, you little scumbag," Lou exploded. "You can take your clock-watching, do-nothing morons and go ruin someone else's company if you want. But if you walk out on me, you're over at Zagrum. The union will never walk through my doors again. You got that?"
"You got that?" he repeated.
REALITY � 73
"I said, you got that!"
But the line was dead. Rencher had hung up.
Lou bellowed in frustration as he flung the phone at the wall. "Stupid homework," he muttered. "See people as people," he repeated to himself sarcastically in a sing-song tone. "What a joke. Yusuf hasn't worked a day in the real world. He doesn't know squat! Yeah, go ahead Yusi," he said to the air mockingly, "try your little soft-pop stuff on the union. Yeah, that'll work. And on the terrorists. And on Cory too. Sure, they'll all just roll over and pant happily after receiving a little of your Middle Eastern love." He laughed at the oxymoronic ring to this and then shook his head, half out of anger, half out of disgust. "What a waste. This whole thing is a waste."
When Carol returned from lunch, a take-out box for Lou in her hand, Lou intercepted her before she entered the building.
"Carol, we're leaving."
"What?" she uttered in complete surprise.
"You heard me, we're leaving."
"Leaving," she repeated in disbelief. "Why?"
"Because this is a waste of time, and I don't have time to waste."
Carol looked at him warily. "What happened on your calls, Lou?"
"Nothing."
"Seriously, Lou, what happened?"
"Okay, I'll tell you, if you really want to know. I was yanked back to reality, that's what happened. Someone brought me back to my senses. Come on. We're going."
At that, Lou started for the car.
But Carol didn't budge.
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"Carol, I said we're leaving."
"I know what you said, but I won't allow it. Not this time, Lou. The stakes are too high."
"You're damn ri